Tippy? Tippy.
All my people…
sing it daddy.
FRESH TO DEATH
New York Giants – Went from a questionable passing game to a potentially nasty 1-2 punch with Manningham and Smith (10 catches each). Little worried about Justin Tuck’s injury. Other than Brady, Peyton, and Roethlisberger, is there anyone else you’d rather have with the ball in their hands needing a score?
Baltimore Ravens – 3 words: Ray muthafuckin’ Lewis. This team looks like kind of a big deal.
Pittsburgh Steelers – Ben’s being forced to move the offense with his arm because Willie Parker isn’t doing it with his legs. They don’t look like the smash-mouth offense we’re used to seeing. They should have won that game. Reed missed two field goals. Fucking dick.
WORD
New Orleans Saints – The Saints offense is so good that it makes us wonder whether or not great defenses are actually any good. Detroit was somewhat understandable, but the Eagles? The fact that they have a legitimate run game to keep defenses honest makes them so dangerous. They don’t have the receiver core that the ’07 Pats had, but their offense is way more balanced.
New York Jets – Rex-n-Effect y’all. Calvin Pace comes back in Week 5. Is it possible this defense is going to get even better?
New England Patriots – We’re a little uneasy about Brady. Not even sure we can discuss it rationally. It’s weird.
Minnesota Vikings – We were surprised how well Detroit was able to run against them. Other than that they look really solid. Sick playmakers everywhere. Favre went 23/27. If he keeps doing that they’re going to be very tough to beat.
San Diego Chargers – With Jamal Williams out for the year and Shawn Merriman underperforming, this team’s defense suddenly looks mediocre.
Indianapolis Colts – In the “time of possession era,” no team has ever won a game with a shorter time of possession than the Colts had against Miami (14 min 53 sec). I guess you don’t need the ball for very long when you score the quickest touchdown in Monday Night Football history (80 yard TD pass to Dallas Clark on the first play of the game). Defense kind of suspect though. Miami ran all over them.
Green Bay Packers – Last week we were very excited about this team’s new 3-4 defense. We still think the defense can be great, but we’re less excited after watching Cedric Benson run all over them.
Atlanta Falcons –Why does this team bore us so much? A young quality QB, playmakers all over the field with Tony Gonzalez, Roddy White, Michael Turner, Norwood; uniforms are cool, and there’s always a chance they bring back the dirty bird. Maybe its cause their coach is named Mike Smith and they’re taking his identity to the field.
Philadelphia Eagles – Don’t want to overreact. They’re a little discombobulated right now. We think they’ll be fine.
SOMEWHERE BETWEEN WORD AND AIGHT
Chicago Bears – Jay Cutler spread it out more than he did in week 1 when he threw exclusively to Earl Bennett and Packers defenders. With or without Troy Polamalu, the Steelers are a strong defensive team, and the Bears have to feel good about how they moved the ball against them.
Houston Texans – Big road win for the first divisional game of the season. Schaub looked how we thought he would look before week 1. Slaton and the running game still looked very suspect.
Tennessee Titans – Best 0-2 team in the league.
San Francisco 49ers – Skeptical optimism?? On one hand we love what we see. The team has clearly taken the coach’s lead and plays with a no nonsense, rugged style. They play in the worst division in the NFC by far so winning a bunch of games is definitely possible. But Shaun Hill is still their QB and their only proven playmaker on offense is Frank Gore.
Arizona Cardinals – It’s almost like the Cardinals just slept through their alarm and didn’t wake up for week 1. They were ready this week. Sure, Boldin was healthy and Breaston played, but the pass protection that was nowhere to be found in week 1 finally showed up to give Kurt some time to throw. When your QB is 38 you best protect his neck. Kurt showed his appreciation with the best completion percentage of all time. Not that bad.
Dallas Cowboys – Still not sure if this team is good. They definitely have talent, but we don’t feel the ‘it’ factor that real contenders have. One thing we do know: their pizzas are definitely worth $60.
Seattle Seahawks – Hasselbeck uncertain for Sunday. So are we. We love Seneca Wallace in the cool name contest (he’s closing in on Gibril Wilson), but not as a starting QB.
Jacksonville Jaguars – They looked best when they were forced to open it up after going down big early in the game. Garrard can make plays. So can Tory Holt. Even Mike Sims-Walker got some love. They should run their offense like they’re in a playground pickup game.
Carolina Panthers – Delhomme’s only turnover was a 4th down interception late in the game. The pick actually helped the Panthers though because it gave the Falcons worse field position than they would have gotten with a turnover on downs. The Panthers look mediocre, which is disappointing after going 12-4 last year. They do have talent though, so there’s still the possibility they put it together at some point.
Buffalo Bills – Marshawn Lynch is our boy and all, but its gonna be real tough to keep Fred Jackson off the field. They should be 2-0 right now. Really impressed by the collective effort from their offense to make this work after losing their coordinator two weeks before the start of the season.
AIGHT
Cincinnati Bengals – Huge win. Gutty performance. Last years Bengal’s never could have pulled out that game. They might be better than we thought.
Washington Redskins – Their performance was about as inspired as a pile of dirty laundry.
Oakland Raiders – Pretty typical. Excited about them after week 1 vs. San Diego in a loss and then disappointed by them vs. Kansas City in a week 2 win. They’re this years ‘blue balls’ team.
Denver Broncos – 2-0? Really?
Miami Dolphins – Running game looked real solid, but not sure if that’s for real or the product of a weak Indy run defense sans Bob Sanders. Either way, the phins ain’t winning too many games this year.
YOU’RE NOT GOOD
Detroit Lions – Win #1 coming this weekend????
Tampa Bay Buccaneers – Heard they have great strip clubs.
Kansas City Chiefs – (yawning)
Cleveland Browns – Gonna be a long season in Cleveland/It ain’t gonna be pleasin’/James Davis may have just been teasin’/They’re all whack, you pick the reason. (all label execs can email us at address to the right)
St. Louis Rams – Win #1 not coming this weekend.