You tell him, Ray. He deserves it.

This will eventually be about the March Madness title game, but there’s some other stuff I want to address first. Sit back and relax for a minute while I soak you in my mentals. I want to get a little personal.
You tell him, Ray. He deserves it.

Meet Anderson Varejao, also known as my least favorite active player in professional sports. At the very least (and whenever I think of Andy V it’s only in terms of the “very least”), he is the player that comes to mind first when I try to think of athletes I dislike. I’m trying to be deliberate with my use of the word “dislike” here, which is in stark contrast to my old habit of throwing around words like “hate” (referring specifically to “sports hate,” if you catch my drift) when referring to certain teams and players. But even in terms of muted forms of hatred like “sports hate,” I seem to have calmed down in a lot of ways about players and teams I dislike. I’m not sure if sports have changed or if I’ve changed (I’m guessing it’s sports because I fear change), but for some reason I just don’t sports hate teams and players the way I used to. Sometimes it’s because players retire and become irrelevant, sometimes I learn something about a player I was previously unaware of, sometimes that player ends up on my fantasy team and I’m forced to root for them in a contractually imaginary but financially real conflict of interest. Let me give you some examples so we can try and figure out together what may be behind this change of heart and/or soul.

Players/Teams I Once Loved to Dislike:

Curt Schilling – Ugh. I don’t even like typing his name. Chalk this up purely to his being inactive, and even as a retired player he still finds ways to be a thorn in my side (I think it’s personal, but when I tried to confront him about it he acted all aloof like he didn’t know what I was talking about…typical). There’s been a trend over the last several years of players finding ways to communicate more openly with their fans, circumventing the media with the use of blogs and social networking sites. Some people are worried about the prospect of athletes having an unfiltered outlet. I think they’re afraid of what we might learn about them. I’d call myself a sports purist. In other words, I’m in denial about the purity of my athlete role-models. I’d much rather think of Joe DiMaggio as a saint than an asshole, as some revisionist sports journalism seems to suggest. So, maybe I’m a little worried about what I’ll hear from some of my favorite athletes (but when a significant number of your idols are athletes and rappers you learn to not be disappointed when they say some dumb shit), but I’m MUCH more concerned with the endless whining on Curt Schilling’s blog. I hate that any old athlete can have a blog and start bitching about any random subject and a lot of people actually listen (as opposed to blogs like this where any old sports fan can have a blog and start bitching about any random subject and only a few people listen). I think Schilling was a whiner his whole career. Hard worker? Yes, but he let you hear about it. Also, I like the Yankees, and he beat them twice, so I’m a little biased. But that’s what this is all about. It’s totally legitimate to develop hatred towards teams and players you’re accustomed to rooting against. Which brings me to…

Boston Red Sox – I used to really really really really really hate the Red Sox. Like, every player on the team. And Boston in general. I looked and looked and found no redeeming qualities (I still haven’t found any, but I’m no longer assuming I know everything there is to know about the Red Sox). The only conflict I ever had as far as my hatred of the Red Sox goes was with Manny Ramirez. I secretly loved Manny Ramirez even before he was traded to the Dodgers. I’d go so far as to say he was my favorite player on a team I vehemently disliked (this position has since been filled by Phillies 1B Ryan Howard). But I’ve since warmed up to the Red Sox (A LITTLE). I still constantly root against them as a franchise, but I don’t hate their players the way I used to. It’s for a variety of reasons. I stopped hating Terry Francona when I realized he’s just a flat out awesome manager and a real “baseball guy” (either you know what I mean by that or you don’t, and I think you do, so I’m not going to try to explain it). I stopped hating David Ortiz after I saw him in a couple funny SportsCenter commercials. I stopped hating Kevin Youkilis after I found out he was Jewish (that’s the tribe y’all). I still root against them, but there’s less venom in it. Similar to my relationship with…

Cleveland Cavaliers – LeBron James is good at basketball. Cool. Let’s move on. We already covered how I feel about Anderson Varejao. When they had Wally Szczerbiak on the team…well, does anyone like Wally Szczerbiak? I think his mom gave him up for adoption in the middle of his run with the Timberwolves when he started stealing passes from his own teammates and wearing a fur coat (maybe it was part of his campaign to steal Jason Williams’ “White Chocolate” moniker). Finally, they had Sasha Pavlovic. Gag me with a spoon! I can’t stand Sasha Pavlovic. I don’t even know what team he’s on right now (if any) and I still can’t stand him. It’s like a spider I saw in my room that receded into a crack and now I can feel it obnoxiously stalking me. I imagine that Sasha Pavlovic was always telling the team how he and LeBron were the best players on the squad, but when LeBron was out of the room he would secretly tell guys he was as good as LeBron and try to get them to agree. I also imagine him doing things like announcing impromptu races to the bus from the training center and pushing LeBron out of the way to get a head start just so he can claim he’s the fastest guy on the team. All of this is unfounded, but it was part of a nice case of sports hatred I was building for this team. There need not be any logic behind sports hatred. Sadly, Sasha was traded, Wally’s contract expired, and now I’m left with my good friends Andy V and Bron Bron, who I can only resent (check back with me if they win a title). Some more quick examples:

Carlos Boozer – Used to hate him. Now I don’t. Still dislike him. Can’t explain it.

Deron Williams – I was more just annoyed with him, but that disappeared when I saw him play live.

Shawn Marion – He had the audacity to suggest that he might enjoy being the number one player on another team and having more of a featured role than the one he played on the Suns. BLASPHEMY! Steve Nash made you, Shawn. You should have known better. I stopped caring after he learned his lesson.

New England Patriots – My brother had Tom Brady and Randy Moss on his fantasy team. I actually always liked Randy. He’s real. I dig that. As far as Tom and the rest of the team? I don’t know. I appreciate excellence and resent undeserved praise, and I think the stigma against the Patriots is such that they don’t get any credit they haven’t undoubtedly earned.

Rajon Rondo – He was on my fantasy team. Also, he was so nasty in the playoffs last year. I just love his game. Tough to hate a guy when you love the way he plays.

So you can see, I’ve renovated my sports hall of shame several times. It’s rarely a conscious decision. These explanations all come in retrospect. Logical gestures at explaining changes in how I feel. What’s the point? The Duke Blue Devils.

(SIDEBAR: Chase Budinger just threw down a monster dunk in the Utah/Houston game. That deserves a shout out, if not a Mazel Tov for the vaguely albino up-and-comer out of ‘Zona. Keep on keepin’ on, Chase)

I’m only now realizing that this post would be way better if, after all of this sports forgiveness, I explained why I still despise the Blue Devils and proceeded to give all of my reasons for thinking they’re the scum of the basketball world, but I just don’t have that in me. Honestly, for the first time in my life, I don’t hate the Duke Blue Devils, and it’s fucking confusing. Honestly, I’m feeling a little lost in my sports fandom. Honestly, I’m questioning whether or not I can be completely honest about this and face the shame of not being disappointed by the Dukies claiming the 2010 national title.

I don’t know what to attribute it to. This one is more mysterious than any of the others. Right now the only explanation I can think of is that Greg Paulus bumped his head, and somebody asked him if he bumped is head, and he said yeah, and they said “oh, so that means you gon’ switch it on ‘em?” and he said “yeah, I’m gonna play football at syracuse.” Don’t get the reference? Learn yourself something.

(This is one of the most underrated music videos of all time. Sorry, indie kids, but Hype Williams > Michel Gondry in the music video game. )

Let me restate that last bit. Maybe it’s because Greg Paulus, former Duke point guard, is no longer on the team (he happened to pursue a single-season career as a college quarterback at Syracuse with his last two semesters of eligibility). I don’t think that’s it though. I don’t believe the absence of one player I enjoyed rooting against for four years could reverse 15 or so years of sports hatred for Duke. That would suggest that all of my sports hatred had actually been concentrated into this one player, supposedly saturating his departure with significance to the point that his leaving the team cleansed this program of all its sins in my eyes/mind/heart. I don’t really buy that.

I’m shocked, however, that I found myself rooting only half-heartedly for Butler in the title game. Even with a fantastic underdog story in Butler (had they won, it would have been the lowest seeded team I had ever watched win a national championship), I couldn’t totally get behind the Bulldogs. And after THAT game, I’m glad that’s how I felt, because what a game it was. I’m glad I didn’t have to get mad at Kyle Singler’s stellar performance. I’m glad every Duke three wasn’t another twist of the knife. I’m glad I was able to enjoy EVERY possession of the game instead of just half. So, not only was I not disliking the Blue Devils. I’m actually glad I was not caught up in disliking the Blue Devils. My best explanation, I guess, is that Duke hasn’t been very good the last few years, after being very good for the first 12 or so years of my March Madness career. But I only ever found duke to be “very good” in those years of prominence. I always found them to be overrated when they would be discussed as the prohibitive favorite seemingly every year. They always found a way to choke. I think I enjoyed watching the Dukies get humbled. Now? I don’t even know how I feel anymore. Whatever it is, it’s not hatred, sports or otherwise. I’m fine with Duke winning. They deserve it. I ain’t mad at that.

And just in case anyone important is reading this…iCarly rocks.