CH: 12:02 – Just worked out-huge football day ahead-peter lugers dinner w mom and luke-538 train-dvr football in effect-luke comin over to watch football-kid may have went to bed an hour ago-he’ll be here sometime between 10mins from now and 5pm
CH: 12:15 – Goin to whole foods to grab breakfast before games
CH: 12:21 – The counter girl at whole foods is probably not a rocket scientist in her spare time
CH: 12:24 – ‘Yo you 14-karat gold slum computer wizard…’ (Cuban linx playin on my ipod)
CH: 12:30 – On couch w bacon/egg/cheese panini-melanie fiona singing the anthem-she was available
CH: 12:31 – I’ve got mason crosby goin up against donald driver here in my semifinal wcoff matchup-wcoff stands for world championship of fantasy football-its bigtime-the grand prize is 300k-i squeaked into the playoffs by .5pts last weekend in a ‘win and in’ battle (.5-like 1/2 of 1pt-like 171/342)-amazing-so this week is my league semifinal matchup-if I win I’m in my league super bowl next wknd where the winner gets 5500 and the chance to keep playing for the 300k-the guy I beat next week will get 1500-so needless to say-todays action is pretty fuckin important
CH: 12:35 – And we’re off
CH: 12:36 – Jordy nelson fumbles the opening kickoff-lions recover-interesting-whats a guy named ‘jordy’ doing in the nfl anyway? our sister (thehellergirl) is named jordie-no way she fumbles there
CH: 12:43 – Lions on the board-stafford to calvin-get used to hearing that-these guys will be doing this for a long time
CH: 12:44 – I love stafford-he was micd up last week so his heroic end of game performance with separated shoulder was documented-steve sabol called it the best micd player session he’s ever seen (heard?)-the kid is going to be a star-no doubt about it-wish I could be this sure about mark sanchez
CH: 12:45 – Jordy doesn’t fumble this kickoff-but his name is still jordy
CH: 12:56 – 8min methodical drive by gb ends prematurely setting up 43yd fg attempt by my boy mason crosby
CH: 12:57 – Fuuuuuucccccckkkkkkkk
CH: 1:05 – They haven’t changed the ruling on mason crosbys fg-he still missed it
CH: 1:07 – Rodgers has about an hour in the pocket-hits driver for a huge gain-hes got 2 for 74-ouch-end of q1
CH: 1:10 – 1st play of q2 touchdown rodgers to donald lee-extra point good-were on the board
CH: 1:18 – Charles Woodson wears his uniform better than any player I’ve ever seen
CH: 1:19 – Special teams player for the lions last name is ‘word-daniels’…word
CH: 1:26 – No sign of luke
CH: 1:30 – What exactly is a ‘horse collar’?
CH: 1:33 – Nice tackle stops driver at the 3yd line-thank god-20yd fg for crosby good
CH: 1:34 – Packers completely dominating the game offensively-moving the ball with ease-detroit lucky its only 10-7
CH: 1:39 – Stafford picked off for the 2nd time…kids
CH: 1:44 – 2min warning-packers in the red zone-need detroit defense to hold them to a fg here-lets go ______????? Does anyone know any players on the lions defense?
CH: 1:47 – Jermichael finley is a beast
CH: 1:49 – I hate all these ‘happy thanksgiving’ texts-not sure if they’re mass or directly to me-and they mostly come from random girls-so my policy is to do what I normally do when these people text me-dont respond
CH: 1:51 – Nice job defense-25yd fg good for crosby
LH: 1:55 – Just walked into Chris’ building like I own the place and the guard at the front desk didn’t stop me. Luke – 6, Front Desk – 53.
LH: 1:57 – Games started at 12:30. I’m almost always late to football. Normally I get to Chris’ about 15 min after I roll out of bed, but today I had to get up early for thxgiving brunch with zach and kate. our waitress was totally into me. she drew a smiley face on our check.
CH: 1:58 – Luke enters-surprisingly-looks like he’s slept about 10mins
CH: 1:59 – Halftime-driver 11 crosby 7-ill take it
LH: 2:03 – Not gonna tell chris about the cute waitress from brunch because I already know how the conversation will go. Me: “our waitress at Orlin was really hot.” Chris: “You should tell her about me.”
CH: 2:06 – Luke telling me about his night-used the words ‘baster’ ‘boogie’ ‘hella’ ‘grinder’ ‘keef’ and ‘chiqualin’…kids
CH: 2:08 – Having to watch commercials/studio shows/halftime crap makes me appreciate dvr and sundays with red zone channel that much more
CH: 2:10 – I dig motown so this halftime isn’t as painful as I expected
CH: 2:13 – It seems that melanie fiona had nowhere to be-shes back for motown halftime
LH: 2:15 – Why is there a group of emo kids singing in the motown halftime show? I might have to rethink my views on affirmative action.
CH: 2:20 – Luke shows me video of stevie wonder original studio recording of ’superstition’-i give the go ahead-see post below
CH: 2:22 – 2nd half underway
CH: 2:25 – Staffords 3rd interception-this time by c wood-go blue
CH: 2:29 – Packers pass up a 49yd fg attempt on 4th & 2-rodgers gets sacked and loses the ball-ugh-between this and the miss crosby has left 9.1pts on the board
CH: 2:36 – Big catch for driver-hes got 5 for 128-i wanna cry
CH: 2:37 – Make that 6 for 135
CH: 2:42 – Make that 7 for 142 and a td
CH: 2:43 – I hope lukes writing something interesting and/or funny right now cause I’ve lost my mojo for the time being
CH: 2:45 – Don’t think luke’s writing shit
LH: 2:45 – Joe Buck is really weird looking.
CH: 2:46 – ‘Joe buck is really weird looking…like the guy who looks most like a nerd that made it big.’–luke
LH: 2:47 – I think Chris just wrote down what I said about Joe Buck. Now I’m worried that anything I say out loud is going to be in the diary. Luckily I’m the last person to see everything before it gets posted. “I get director’s cut direct as fuck.”
CH: 2:59 – Reception by will heller-had to mention
CH: 3:07 – I think Green Bay should attempt an 87yd fg instead of punting
CH: 3:14 – Luke borrows a pen and a notebook-i assume he’s about to start contributing here-but he may just be about to write a rap verse-or something postmodern-or something metaphysical-or all of the above…(nyu) kids
CH: 3:24 – Another reception by heller-just sayin
CH: 3:25 – Heller looks like a juggernaut-the future of the lions stafford/smith/johnson/heller
LH: 3:25 – Another catch by Heller. Hearing Aikman say Heller just sounds right.
CH: 3:26 – Aikman thinks calvin johnson has tremendous talent-thanks troy-not sure what we’d do without you
LH: 3:30 – Trying to figure out how fast chris types on his blackberry. he thinks it could be 100 mph. he also thinks strippers like him.
LH: 3:40 – They just showed all of the camera men working at the game. Who was filming them?
LH: 3:42 – GB’s backup QB (Someone Flynn) has a shitty hard count.
CH: 3:44 – ‘Fuckin luuuuuggggggeeeerrrrrrsssss!’–luke (unprompted)
CH: 3:51 – GB 34 – DET 12 final. Driver 27.2, Crosby 10. I’ll take 10 from my kicker. Driver is his #1 wide receiver. This is playoff time. Didn’t think it would be easy.
CH: 3:53 – How many people just switched from Fox to CBS like I did?
LH: 3:57 – “Novacaine flow, ho you ain’t know. Like a balla in an impala, jigga remain low.” — Jay-Z. Listened to it on the way over and just that line is stuck in my head.
CH: 4:04 – ‘There’s one team that counts on one player no more than peyton manning’–bill cowher discussing mvp. ‘well said, bill.’–luke
CH: 4:06 – Just took quick shower-back on couch-got mcfadden goin against nick folk in this game-mcfadden owes me big-he was supposed to be my rb2 all year but has been a complete bust-its a desperation play but forced into it with ahmad bradshaw out tonight-he really really owes me-and can easily make it up to me with a strong showing today
CH: 4:16 – Game #2 underway-just whacked back a clementine (no homo)-luke had one and a powerbar-better to go into lugers hungry and not ravenous so ur stomach doesn’t get filled too quick-ive done this before
CH: 4:17 – DMC with a 16yd catch-nantz mentions they want to give dmc 20 touches today-hi there-im thankful for the raiders coaching staff
Editor’s Note: Chris’ gratitude towards Tom Cable aside, TheHellerBoyz does not condone spousal abuse.
CH: 4:23 – 48yd catch by my boy miles austin-cant believe I didn’t draft him in this league-i can’t remember exactly where I read it but some fantasy preview had the statement ‘miles austin will be the #1 wr for the cowboys’
CH: 4:27 – Cowboys penalty takes them out of fg range-folk them
CH: 4:35 – Still hate commercials
LH: 4:40 – Turkeys are so gross looking. Chris just told me he doesn’t think turkeys gobble. I wish everyone could hear his impression of what he thinks turkeys actually sound like. “Whatever, the point is whatever sound they make it’s nothing like a word I can pronounce.” — Chris.
CH: 4:41 – Dmc for 12-lookin strong
CH: 4:42 – Luke goin for another clementine-may be pushin the envelope now…kids
CH: 4:47 – Tashard choice from the wildcat with a 66yd run-love this kid-and he did the TC sign after
CH: 4:49 – Need dallas to get in the endzone to prevent the folk(ing) fg
CH: 4:51 – Folk
CH: 5:05 – Felix jones 46yd td run-about time this guy did something explosive-hes a special talent just rarely healthy-extra point for folk
CH: 5:14 – Gradkowski at least gives his team a chance to compete
CH: 5:19 – Leavin my apt-headin to the train-send out obligatory ‘not live’ texts to my football peeps so they don’t blow it and ruin the games for me which I’m recording to watch after dinner-ive done this before
CH: 5:22 – In a cab to penn station-usually take subway but I have a (admittedly wrong) theory that subways don’t run on the wknds-and since the lirr schedule is wknds/holidays I’m assuming the subway is the same and there are no subways today
CH: 5:45 – Family of about 15 with kids just sat next to us on the train-i hope they don’t talk about mcfaddens stats
CH: 5:58 – Running in the aisle-baby crying-some yelling-but no mention of mcfadden
CH: 6:26 – In my moms car-luke put on his seat belt and he’s sitting in the back…kids
CH: 6:32 – Lukes polite meter will be off the charts at dinner-im making ‘thank you’s’ -14 over ‘is that cool’s?’
CH: 6:50 – Still not seated-the game is on at the bar-avoiding looking-smelling meat-not happy
CH: 8:52 – On the train back to nyc-so fuckin full w leftovers sitting next to me-since we had a 3rd this time (luke) and got steak for 3 I now have 2 bones to gnaw on later or tomorrow instead of 1-thanksgiving really is magical sometimes-our waiter was ummm-how should I put it-eccentric maybe-his name is rich flanagan-luke/my mom/myself weren’t eccentric-you know our names-did have a few drinks though-guessin dmc had 9tds while I was gone
CH: 8:56 – Train is pretty crowded-hope I don’t see any dicks I know from growing up-that would be awful right now
Potential convo with dick I know:
Me:heeeeeey heeeyy how’s it goin (not remembering name)
Dick:oh my god chris heller-i haven’t seen you in forever
Me:(nodding) I know-ive been around
Dick:so what are you doing with yourself? Where do you live? Who do you still speak to? Did you hear (fill in a typical jewish name) got divorced? I still hang out with (2nd jewish name you thought of before that didn’t make it into the parenthesis)-ill tell her you say hi-whered you go tonight? I guess peter lugers since I see your bag right there-haha-im so oblivious sometimes-thats a really nice jacket-where do you hang out? Have you seen any good movies lately?
Me: (long pause) good seeing you…oh if I happen to sit near you on the train (which I will avoid at all costs) don’t mention anything about darren mcfadden or what’s going on in the giants/broncos game-thanks
CH: 9:12 – I miss rich flanagan
CH: 9:19 – Luke was only nominally polite (for him) at dinner-not excessive-maybe he’s learning…kids
CH: 9:25 – I teach luke the carvel theme song
LH: 9:25 – Should have brought the flip cam.
CH: 9:47 – In cab-luke tells me the first sound on dre 2001 (which I know well) is the range of human hearing-basically that sound is every frequency that we are capable of hearing-i’m very impressed-confirms my choice to name my first son ‘dre’ even further
CH: 9:58 – We’re back-game on-822min left in q2 in case u forgot
CH: 10:03 – Opening a bottle of red wine to continue my dinner drinking-not fully into the game yet-i look up to see nick folk trotting out for a 50yd fg-i wave my hands at the tv to distract him-he hits the post-folk him
CH: 10:14 – Miles Austin nice move for a td-extra point for the bad guys
CH: 10:17 – Catch for dmc-this was my thought process-raiders get down-forced to throw-dmc racks up a bunch of catches-lets go
CH: 10:20 – Halftime-17-0 cowboys-dont know my fantasy score cause I can’t look since this game is over in real world time
CH: 10:22 – 2nd half starts-fuck halftime shows-assume it can’t be decent since the last one was motown
CH: 10:27 – Lukes roomate locked his keys in their apt so he’s comin over with 2 of their girls-i know all of them-they fam-and today is all about family
LH: 10:28 – I give Chris 10 minutes before he regrets inviting my friends over. They’re my friends and even I think they’re annoying.
CH: 10:35 – Darius heyward-bey with his first career td-great pick guys-17-7-we have a game (sort of)
CH: 10:42 – Everytime justin fargas gets a carry from now on I say ‘fargas’ in the seinfeld ‘newman’ tone-cause fargas was newman in the bizarro seinfeld episode (if you don’t know…well then…fuck off)
CH – 10:43 – Start of q4-raiders punting-dont know dmc’s stats-just know they’re not good enough-havin another glass of malbec (no homo)
CH: 10:45 – Td roy williams-folk him-and the guy who kicked the extra point
CH: 11:04 – Its amazing how bad heyward-bey is
CH: 11:09 – Game over-dallas wins 24-7-dmc probably had about 10pts-decent but not good enough for championship football
CH: 11:11 – Kickoff of giants/broncos-have brandon marshall and hakeem nicks-need some serious love from them tonight (no homo) or the next few days will be miserable-and once the misery ends and football sunday begins-potentially could get worse-lets fuckin go
CH: 11:15 – First play to hakeem nicks-im amped up again-lets fuckin go (yeah I know I said that already)
CH: 11:20 – Lukes crew enters-zach/lisa/kate
CH: 11:21 – Kate asks ‘what’s goin on in the nfl right now?’-we think its sort of condescending-lisa replies ‘well its the giants and the ponies’-cant make this shit up
CH: 11:27 – The kids are talking to each other-i think something about nicknames-great
CH: 11:33 – 2 targets to bmarshall in the endzone-nothin-fg ponies
CH: 11:41 – Knowshon moreno is gonna be one hell of a player
CH: 11:48 – Ponies move the ball well again-come up short in the redzone-prater fg-6-0-bmarsh and nicks 1 rec each-step it up boyz
CH: 11:53 – My boy bmarsh w an ill 1handed grab-get him the rock kyle orton
CH: 11:56 – 13-0 ponies-time for eli to start slinging it
CH: 11:57 – Ponies came to play tonight
CH: 12:04 – (Me and zach discussing football). Zach: “you do a dirty sanchez halloween costume?” Me: “minus the halloween costume.”
CH: 12:10 – The kids are telling college orientation stories-great-but I miss college…kids (and college kids)
CH: 12:14 – 16-0 at half-giants look ugly-my boyz not doin much-30mins to get a hold of this playoff battle
CH: 12:16 – Start of 2nd half-time to duperstein this shit up
CH: 12:19 – Orton throws a pick-could be the thing that changes this game-or actually makes it one-marshall 2 recs on that drive
CH: 12:29 – Giants on the board with a field goal-im not impressed
CH: 12:32 – Don’t even need to know the context. Zach: “I have a little bit of bladder control”
CH: 1243 – Giants field goal after a long drive-bad news not getting 7
CH: 12:46 – End of q3-im not in good shape-folk
CH: 12:52 – Having the discussion about whether knowshon is wearing an under armor logo on his gold fronts
CH: 12:53 – Stokely td-broncos 23-6-nice job by them
CH: Kate to Zach: “You watch Gossip Girl?” Zach to Kate: “Yeah.” Luke to Zach: “That reminds me I need those dvds back.”
CH: 12:58 – Nicks catch-mattmillen: “now there’s a guy I’d like to see more of”
Me too mattmillen me too (no homo…cant speak for mattmillen)
CH: 1:06 – Another pony fg-pass to bmarsh broken up-wouldve been large-5mins left
CH: 1:24 – Game over-ponies won-dont remember the score even tho it just ended-more importantly-i got 45.80pts from dmc/bmarshall/nicks/crosby-to look at it from a glass half full viewpoint (which is what I’m going with) they all played well-all double digit performances-a great group of complimentary totals for a great wknd-what it means is my other guys on sunday and monday are gonna have to step up-very doable w brady/sugar/sims walker/percy/heath/titans-cant you see 3 of those guys goin off-i can-lets fuckin go
CH: 1:33 – Just sent the following to my boy jared-maybe this makes it clearer (I have no idea-havent reread anything from today)
cheller: Here’s what I’m thinkin-its better than it felt-its actually pretty solid scores for a rb2/wr2/flex/k-what it means is my boys just need to step up this wknd-i can get 3 great wks out of brady/sugar/sims/percy/heath/titans-if that happens today’s scores are great compliments-obv can’t control what his studs do but fuck them-lets fuckin go
CH: 1:35 – Kids still here by the way
CH: 1:40 – Luke and zach debating the ‘tv thing’-so lukes been hyping up all day that he wants to go to ‘black friday’ and get a new tv-like not sleep and go to best buy or pc richards straight from a night out-now what I’m getting from this convo is that zach knew about the tv (sort of) but that’s as far as it went-they haven’t discussed payment process or how to get it to the apt or how/if they’re mounting or if they’re actually going soon-its priceless…kids
LH: 1:52 – Just left Chris’. May or may not be buying a tv in 3 hours. Thanks bro. Thanks Peter Lugers. Thanks Rich Flanagan.
CH: 1:52 – The kids are out-time for some alone time-long day-emotional
CH: 1:53 – I’m thankful for our first ‘thehellerboyz thanksgiving day’